the perfect sonnet

Lately I've been wishing I had one desire
Something that would make me never want another
Something that would make it so that nothing mattered
All would be clear then

But I guess I'll have to settle for a few brief moments
And watch it all dissolve into a single second
And try to write it down into a perfect sonnet or one foolish line
'Cause that's all that you'll get so you'll have to accept
You are here then you're gone

But I believe that lovers should be tied together and
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather
and left there to drown
Left there to drown in their innocence

But as for me I'm coming to the final chapter
I read all of the pages and there is still no answer
Only all that was before I know must soon come after
That is the only way it can be

So I stand in the sun
And I breathe with my lungs
Trying to spare me the weight of the truth
Saying everything you've ever seen was just a mirror
And you've spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever
And now you are laying in a bathtub full of freezing water
Wishing you were a ghost

But once you knew a girl and you named her Lover
And danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer
But autumn came, she disappeared
You can't remember where she said she was going to
But you know that she's gone 'cause she left you a song
That you don't want to sing

We're singing I believe that lovers should be chained together
And thrown into a fire with their songs and letters
And left there to burn
Left there to burn in their arrogance

But as for me I'm coming to my final failure
I've killed myself with changes trying to make things better
But I ended up becoming something other than what I had planned to be

Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
And layed entwined together on a bed of clover
And left there to sleep
Left there to dream of their happiness

holding back with every fear that i contain

I have so many emotions right now its ridiculous. Im trying so hard to straighten out my life, and slowly, with each passing day a now simple task has twisted and expanded into a ever more complicated one. And I sit here and contemplate how something so easy has become so difficult...
ive made it that way. ME.


Its not just the major conflicts ive caused myself...its the littlest things that are truely eating at me.
Its wishing on falling stars...
Its dreaming with every thing I am...
and holding back with every fear that i contain.


Im a little lost. I got to where i finally know what I want, and how to achieve that goal.
And as always life has thrown me through loop after loop challenging me to make the right decisions...have i failed that challenge?
There is never a sure way to know whats right...your friends, family can't make that decision...you only know whats right when you feel it in your heart.


LAME.
Here is where my problem lies...my heart. What exactly do I want? (And do I want them for the right reasons?) Like I said im a little lost...well not just a little...I feel like im wondering aimlessly. I see myself making decisions I know aren't right. But I want them to be. And if they aren't right, why do they feel that way.
Logical vs. Emotional satisfaction. Who will come through?


Well just have to see if everything Im fighting for is worth the fight.
I just hope Im making the right decisions...because ive made a lot of the wrong ones...
And I don't think i would be able to handle another mistake.